hallmark worship and regret

02.15.08 (2:53 am)   [edit]
So since I've had hallmarks version of all amerikan love forced down my throat for the last month culminating in todays red and pink rose scented grope fest of candy and STD's it's put me in a bad mood to say the least.
I am apparently not immune to this brainwashing and being alone on a totally fake holiday has made me reminiscent of my past.
So STS this is for you.
I remember a badly photoshopped vampire direct scan
I remember a empty chat room
I remember tearing down fundies
I remember starlight and growling
I remember my soul is a frisbee
I remember loopy
I remember goodnight my love
I remember interviewing a demon
I remember why you drank cherry 7up
I remember cutting myself in my grandmothers bathroom
I remember being so alone but for you
I remember whispering to you from a balcony
I remember crying on a borrowed cell phone sitting on a tombstone
I remember my first $300 phone bill
I remember being intimately acquainted with a pay phone in a basement
I remember a faded red shirt
I remember looking up at O'hare
I remember being scared we'd crash your car
I remember the tasted of malts and your lips
I remember packing bricks in my suitcase
I remember feeling you press into me
I remember the constellation on your back
I remember razorblade smiles
I remember being a gift and happy cows
I remember a bright red car that came too soon
I remember holding onto to you when I lost myself
I remember not wanting you to see me get sick
I remember being terrified of telling you two letters
I remember your voice pulling me out of despair
I remember the horror of knowing you were pulling away
I remember a pink hotel hallway
I remember being pushed against a door
I remember convincing myself I was wrong
I remember the hopeless feeling it gave me to know what you thought of me
I remember the disbelief of those words
I remember you can't do this
I remember those ice blue eyes
I remember a meal from mcdonalds
I remember the door closing
I remember pills so many pills
I remember rain and cold and dark
I remember losing myself, feeling my soul tear
I remember everything and wonder if it means anything
I remember wingstone lies unfinished in a hard drive

I wonder if I'd do it again some days.